549 days later
*This post involves talk about mental illness and self injury, might be triggering for some readers.*
1 in 6 people struggle with self injury behavior. Half of them start in their early teens and continue into their 20s. Self injury is common in those who struggle with anxiety, depression, body dysphoria, and many other mental illnesses. Self injury isn't a mental illness in itself, it is a way people cope with their emotional pain.
Today marks a year and a half, 18 months, 549 days since I last self harmed.
I've been terrified to talk about these things because people are quick to judge. But telling my truth can help others. I was fourteen when I started using self harm as a way to cope with my anxiety. I remember the first time, I was so mad at myself for not being able to talk to a group of friends at a party. I left early. When I got home, I got so mad I cut my fingers on the back wire of my braces.
Whenever I got anxious I would continue this behavior. Eventually I started using razor blades.
It was my way dealing with my emotional pain for five years. Five years of hating who I was.
I felt like God hated me too. After all, who would love a girl with scars on her thighs?
I slowly starting getting better by talking with friends, family and an online counselor. I started trusting God again and learning there is nothing I can do that He will stop loving me.
It isn't easy recovering from self injury. There are still hard days where I need to journal, talk to a counselor and that's okay.
God loves us at our darkest moments.
Crisis Text Line https://www.crisistextline.org/selfharm/
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
To Write Love on Her Arms http://www.TWLOHA.com
Self Injury Foundation 24 Hour National Crisis Line 1-800-334-HELP
Your Life Your Voice- Textline, chat, hotline and resources http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/Pages/home.aspx
These scars aren’t pretty
But they’re a part of me
And will not ever fade away
These marks tell a story
Of me down in the valley
And how You reached in with Your grace
And healed me
They remind me of Your faithfulness
And all You brought me through
They teach me that my brokenness
Is something You can use
They show me where I’ve been and
That I’m not there any more
That’s what scars, that’s what scars are for
what scars are for
Erase, rewind
Wish I could every time
The hurt, the pain cuts so deep
But when I’m weak You’re strong
And in Your power I can carry on
And my scars say that You won’t ever leave
-Mandisa, What Scars are For
1 in 6 people struggle with self injury behavior. Half of them start in their early teens and continue into their 20s. Self injury is common in those who struggle with anxiety, depression, body dysphoria, and many other mental illnesses. Self injury isn't a mental illness in itself, it is a way people cope with their emotional pain.
Today marks a year and a half, 18 months, 549 days since I last self harmed.
I've been terrified to talk about these things because people are quick to judge. But telling my truth can help others. I was fourteen when I started using self harm as a way to cope with my anxiety. I remember the first time, I was so mad at myself for not being able to talk to a group of friends at a party. I left early. When I got home, I got so mad I cut my fingers on the back wire of my braces.
Whenever I got anxious I would continue this behavior. Eventually I started using razor blades.
It was my way dealing with my emotional pain for five years. Five years of hating who I was.
I felt like God hated me too. After all, who would love a girl with scars on her thighs?
I slowly starting getting better by talking with friends, family and an online counselor. I started trusting God again and learning there is nothing I can do that He will stop loving me.
It isn't easy recovering from self injury. There are still hard days where I need to journal, talk to a counselor and that's okay.
God loves us at our darkest moments.
Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? Romans 8:35
If you are or someone you know is struggling with self harm help is out there. Resources below. Crisis Text Line https://www.crisistextline.org/selfharm/
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
To Write Love on Her Arms http://www.TWLOHA.com
Self Injury Foundation 24 Hour National Crisis Line 1-800-334-HELP
Your Life Your Voice- Textline, chat, hotline and resources http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/Pages/home.aspx
These scars aren’t pretty
But they’re a part of me
And will not ever fade away
These marks tell a story
Of me down in the valley
And how You reached in with Your grace
And healed me
They remind me of Your faithfulness
And all You brought me through
They teach me that my brokenness
Is something You can use
They show me where I’ve been and
That I’m not there any more
That’s what scars, that’s what scars are for
what scars are for
Erase, rewind
Wish I could every time
The hurt, the pain cuts so deep
But when I’m weak You’re strong
And in Your power I can carry on
And my scars say that You won’t ever leave
-Mandisa, What Scars are For
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