Lily Elizabeth

I know its cheesy to make an end of the year post, but this year was one for the books.  It was a year full of lessons and memories like every year is. I struggled to pass some hard classes. I got my first tattoo. I got interviewed for the OTA program. Even with two recommendation letters I didn't get into the program. This was one of the lows of the year. I was told I wasn't social enough. Something I have heard constantly.  Over the summer I finished up my last classes and decided to transfer to another school to try to get into a different OTA program. I got engaged. I went to the beach for the first time. I started at a new school. I auditioned for a musical and was cast. I became more confident. I ended my engagement. Realizing my worth, realizing to not settle for anything less than what I deserve. I got picked to be in one of the skits at the circus. I dyed my hair pink, something I wanted for years. I was in the Christmas show. I spoke in front of an auditorium full...

A broken heart hurts. As someone who has experienced heartbreak, loss and rejection I can confirm that. The thing about love is that it can hurt. It can be beautiful, pure, and special. Or it can feel like someone stabbed your heart. It can be cruel and painful. We are all searching for that one love , that love that doesn't end up wilting away. The only love that is always beautiful and pure is God's love . That's the love we should always be searching for. While loving someone is a gift, it shouldn't be where we try to find love. We should already know we are loved . I know that's not easy. No one is perfect, everyone has flaws and insecurities. Everyone should know they are worthy of love . I know it can be sometimes hard to feel God's love in dark times, but He's always there. You also deserve to be loved and treated like the valuable person you are. You are worth fighting for. Jesus died for you . Someone who stands you up or ignores you doe...

Okay so this post is cheesy and silly but I recently watched To All The Boys I've Loved on Netflix and I thought it might be fun to write about all the boys I've loved. So let's start. I'll be using initials so if you really know me you might figure out who these people are but oh well. I did have a lot of crushes as a kid but these are the ones that stuck out to me. The first boy was JV. I was six/seven years old and he was four years older. He was friends with my brother at church. I would chase him around church and we almost kissed in front of the youth building but he told me he hadn't brushed his teeth in a week. I think I was probably more infatuated with him than actual love, but I swear I thought I'd marry him. The second boy was my neighbor, H. His parents were divorced so he hopped back and forth between parents. We would play outside and also we would write letters to each other sometimes. We were both eight. I kissed him on the cheek once and wi...

*This post involves talk about mental illness and self injury, might be triggering for some readers.* 1 in 6 people struggle with self injury behavior. Half of them start in their early teens and continue into their 20s. Self injury is common in those who struggle with anxiety, depression, body dysphoria, and many other mental illnesses. Self injury isn't a mental illness in itself, it is a way people cope with their emotional pain. Today marks a year and a half, 18 months, 549 days since I last self harmed. I've been terrified to talk about these things because people are quick to judge. But telling my truth can help others. I was fourteen when I started using self harm as a way to cope with my anxiety. I remember the first time, I was so mad at myself for not being able to talk to a group of friends at a party. I left early. When I got home, I got so mad I cut my fingers on the back wire of my braces. Whenever I got anxious I would continue this behavior. Eventually I st...

Today I want to talk to you about relationships. I haven't dated very many guys but I like to think that every guy has taught me something. I didn't start dating until I was seventeen. If there is one piece of advice I can tell you is, wait until you are older to date. I can not imagine dating at like twelve or thirteen like kids do nowadays. The first guy I dated taught me the pain of heartbreak. I remember how bad the first heartbreak hurts. But the next time, it won't be so bad. The first heartbreak taught me to be stronger. The second guy taught me you shouldn't force a romantic relationship. You can't force chemistry, no matter how hard you try. The third taught me a lot. He bandaged my emotional wounds. He taught me how to love again, that feeling wasn't a sign of weakness. There was days I would just cry and cry and he would hold me close. Sadly he stopped being that person. Instead of building me up, he started tearing me down. He taught me that peop...

Hi Everyone, It's been so many years since I have posted on my blog. I decided I would start again, now that I'm older I've learned a lot of tough life lessons. Growing up is hard, a lot has happened these past six years. For one, I'm in college now! Who cares about these things, I don't know but if me sharing my life helps at least one other person not feel alone then it is worth it. Signing off for now, Lily